January 2012
Daughter: dad I'm a lesbian
Dad: it's cool
Second daughter: dad I'm a lesbian too
Dad: Christ, doesn't anyone in this family love cock?
Son: I do
g3tt1n sl1zzzzzard t0ight leg000
no. shut up. i hate you so much.
December 2011
you know how in certain classes there’s no seating chart but everyone sits in the same seat every day so it’s known to everyone where you sit but there’s always that one faggot that sits in your seat one day and you’re like uhhh that’s my seat and he says there’s no assigned seats!!!!!!!!!!!!!! no fuck you that’s my seat i’m going to make your death look like an accident
My new year’s resolution is to be less of a bitch to everyone I know.
I want to stab happy couples and laugh as they wither in pain.
if i’m really mean to you it means i like you
Can someone recommend a cute romantic comedy type movie?
don’t say 500 days of summer…. thanks!
Romantic Comedies are the reason I’m single. All I want is to meet someone at a train station and fall in love with them after a process of perfectly timed hi jinks and awe worthy moments. </3
aww your facebook status is “happy birthday jesus!” you are so original and funny!!!!!!
My SAT score does not determine who I am.
1 tag
if its true that if people laugh at your jokes, theyre more likely to have sex with you then why am i not having sex with EVERYBODY
darkestwaves:
When everything is lonely I can be my own best friend I get a coffee and the paper; have my own conversations With the sidewalk and the pigeons and my window reflection The mask I polish in the evening, by the morning looks like shit.
I fantasize about marrying and having children with any boy who gives me any sort of attention.
me: oh that was awkward and embarrassing, let's forget all about it
mind: lol no i'm going to replay it just when you feel good about yourself or bad about yourself or when you're bored and trying to fall asleep and whenever i want
selling my soul to be a Kardashian. I think it’s a pretty fair trade.
derpes:
my mouth said no homo but my heart said all the homos
For an average looking girl with a mediocre personality, I sure have high expectations.
THE GREAT GATSBY WITH LEONARDO DICAPRIO. I CANNOT EVEN.
